One Christian's response to The Oatmeal's "How to suck at religion"

The Oatmeal (by Peter Inman) is a super creative, funny, and very potty mouthed blog/cartoonist that I read religiously. :)  His current post is "How To Suck At Your Religion"... well... here's my response:

Pretty good start.  He starts strong by quoting Jesus!  Woo Hoo!... albeit it King James English (which makes it sound way more religious-sy).  Of course the more complete quote is from Matthew 7:1-2 which is really saying "if you judge, expect to be judged back the same way".  Fair enough. 

Here he's a wee bit off base.  Universities were all started as Christian institutions. Christianity and the pursuit of scientific truth have always gone hand in hand.  VERY often when a scientist comes up with a new discovery they run in to opposition from other scientists who disagree with them.  Back in the day the other scientist were priests and other religious dudes. Galileo was a religious dude. 

Today there are folks who don't believe in the Big Bang and they get called heretics by the scientific establishment all the time... and there isn't a church person in sight.  

Science cannot operate in a moral vacuum.  We now frown on experimenting on the mentally disabled even though, back in the day (see what I did there..oh, wait til later) "people of science" were using them like lab rats. Just because you're a scientist doesn't mean you can operate outside the rules of ethics.

 "IF" life actually begins at conception then we wouldn't want to be murdering a bunch of people even if they thought stem cells were really really awesome.  Now, having said that, adult stem cells are turning out to be just as good as fetal ones and all that was needed was someone to start looking elsewhere for answers. "IF" life doesn't begin at conception someone really needs to figure out where does... because even a moron can figure out that it has already been alive for some time when it get's out of mommy's vagina.

Truth is not relative (I can say that because it's true... try saying "truth is relative" and then think about it because you can't actually make it make sense). It's a real, concrete thing. Granted... we may not have a firm and 100% grip on it.. but it's out there.  Mathematics can prove stuff and call them facts. The rest of everything has to go on evidence and then discern the truth.  

Our parents are supposed to teach us the truth. Things like "I believe that if you run out in to traffic and get hit by a bus you will die" are pretty dogmatic.. but they are truth and value based statements.  If your parents are teaching you the truth... be thankful.  If they are teaching you to murder all cartoonists... run away.  Many Christians have this nifty little thing where they insist that people actually choose for themselves to be followers of Jesus.. and then do things like get baptized at that point to demonstrate their own, personal choice.  

As for those who thought dinosaurs were on the ark.... they'll figure it out soon enough that a day doesn't have to mean 24 hours.  Back in the day we understood that (see what I did there?).   The 6000 year old earth people are easy to make fun of... but they are fringey (except in the southern parts of the US of A).

Reincarnation doesn't work in a finite universe.  Don't even go there.  

If the message passed down for 2000 years is actually true... then jump up and down and cheer.  Put it to the test... of wait, you can't because it's about death!  Last time I checked the only authority on death is the one who beat it.  Of course when your kids ask what happens after you die you can either refer to the source of life or just tell your kid to make it up... which then ends up being reincarnation and they think they were Cleopatra...over and over again. Interestingly, they would never come up with "nothing".  

"Hey honey, what do you think happens when you jump in front of a bus?"

"I think it turns into a bunny rabbit and it carries me to the Calgary Stampede".  

Bad parenting.

Ah, the sex card.  Yah, the church has messed up with goofy thinking and teaching on this through the centuries.  But then again pretty much every culture came up with whacko stuff in this department.  However, the Bible wasn't the reason for goofball teaching. Read Song Of Songs and then tell me that sex and the Bible isn't fun.  Go ahead. Try it.   

There are some rules around sex... get over it.  We still don't like adults having sex with kids, however, in some places that isn't a taboo and that's nutbar crazy. There are rules around sex (I'm repeating myself). Society will come up with goofy ones... they always will. Wanna play soccer? (just pretend).  A rule book and a ref is used to help prevent chaos on the field turning a wrestling match or mud wrestling (not that either of those is bad but soccer was intended) .  Great sex has boundaries.   Sexual dysfunction breeds more dysfunction... and then people have to try and cope with it. Coping sucks and can really hurt... and helping people to cope is cool.... and the Christian church has sucked at that.  For that I apologize.

Getting others to believe what you believe does make you feel better.  Ask an Amway salesman.  However, if you know the truth, getting others to see the truth is good...regardless of whether it's in line with your beliefs or not. Like... "there is a tidal wave coming"!  If it's true then "thanks for sharing".  If it's not true then you're a jerk looking for attention. Christ profoundly disagreed with the religious people of his day... even called them names... but never wavered from treating them with love.   It's the Christian way... other faiths...not so much.

OK.. I'm pretty sure this cartoon is all about making fun of others for their beliefs...call me crazy.  Moving along.

Everybody votes on their religious beliefs... everybody!  It's called your worldview and, regardless of what you believe or not believe, it dictates things like how you will vote.  

OK... I'll give him credit for even doing this much.  Stick to poking fun at Christians (like everybody else)... at least you know that, if they are actually following their own rules, you are perfectly safe.

So, remember all those people who were murdered for their faith?  I don't remember it looking anything like this.  Like... nothing.  Maybe people do this... but that's because they are off their very heavy doses of medication!  People dying for their faith are often doing so because they refuse to be violent back... or because they are protecting someone else... or because the other person refuses to hear a different opinion.  People die, normally, for what they believe.  Whether it's a DNR order after a stroke or because they believed a bunny rabbit on the road is more important than staying on the road. Perhaps a better question is "is what you believe worth dying for?". If it ain't... then don't.

And here we find the rub.  Murdering is anti-Christian.  Killing in the name of Jesus is... anathema.  Christ was pretty clear on the "love your enemies" stuff. Period. All other religions are, well, fair game.  

And the extremely religious statement "the fact you are a bag of meat" is, well, telling.  Telling that the author's religion is the wonderfully affirming form of non-religion called atheism/agnosticism.  It's not a fact (facts only belong in mathematics) that we are just a bag of meat.  Not even close to a fact. It's a religious statement based upon, what I hope is his evaluation of the evidence (but I doubt it... but I hope).

What if Christianity is true?  Doesn't that change everything?  Doesn't that mean that the universe isn't a cold, non-personal, hell hole that didn't magically appear out of nothing (impossible, by the way, even with a Higgs boson in your back pocket) but rather was designed by a deity that put us on the only blue speck of dust in the only spot in the universe that could support our sorry butts.  By a deity that actually does care?  

And if it is true... why the heck not share it?

The truth will set you free.

Oh, his next to last point that one's religion should be a benefit to the world is spot on.  The biggest benefit the world can, and will, ever gain... is Jesus.

My mother, soon to be 80 years old, is on facebook, checks her email, listens to her son's sermons each week on the internet, takes no (last time I checked) medication, puts up with Miles, prays for her children (and their spouses), grandchildren (and spouses), and great grandchildren every day, yells at the TV during football games, asks too many questions during movies, makes fabulous meals, loves to go for walks but is frustrated that she really can't anymore, couldn't speak English until she got to elementary school, often went without enough grocery money but managed to make end meet, secretly would buy a lottery or raffle ticket or 2 each year, survived cancer, mourns the loss of her 5th child everyday, has more hair on her head than all over her sons - combined, took in a little girl and made her as her own even though she couldn't afford it, hates Swedish hockey players, and wonders where those 80 years went. Well, on this last point I can safely say that those 80 years have gone straight to the hearts of us who have benefited from your love!

Thanks for the wonderful investment Mom!

Happy Mother's Day!

Salt in Mouth

Rush Limbaugh has been in hot water lately for his comments about Sandra Fluke.  Now, I'm not a Rush fan, but I am a fan of free speech, which can include, at times, criticizing others.  That's freedom of the press.   However, it wasn't so much an opinion or a criticism that is the issue here, but rather a simple case of "name calling".  Thankfully, Rush is being held accountable for this... however, how often do we do similar and think nothing of it?  

One of my favourite TV characters is Oscar Leroy of Corner Gas fame.  Oscar had a habit of calling, well, pretty much everyone, a jackass.  While that particular phrase would be characterized as a "mild" curse word... it still is a curse word and, is so, because it demeans the other person.  Pretty much all the words/phrases that society considers taboo are words that either degrade a beautiful thing and/or degrade the person the word is directed at.  And a word doesn't have to be an official "swear" to be damaging.  Limbaugh used the word "prostitute", which isn't an offensive word by itself; but he was using it in such a way as to demean and belittle a person. 

So, here's the rub.   The Bible instructs us to watch our mouths and let our speech be seasoned with salt. We need more respectful speech with everyone, including our enemies!  Explosive and abusive language has no valid reason to exist in our world today...however, it seems that the media thinks just the opposite!  TV shows, movies, and music are all pulling us to the potty mouth instead of the salt mouth.  Invectives are now common place on prime time TV, somehow making a show "edgy" or "hip" but, in reality, they are making it like a Jr. High locker room.  My mom always said that a mature person can control his/her tongue.

By the way, many people attempt to enforce the "taking the Lord's name in vain" commandment with this stuff... but any biblical scholar will tell you that it doesn't actually apply here.  The third commandment is more about swearing an oath than curse words.

Would it be too much to ask to have this whole Limbaugh/Fluke issue result in people respecting others with their words?
Is it too much to ask our Parliament to not hurl insults while others are talking?
Is it too much to ask TV/Movies/Music to tone it down? 
Is it too much?  

I actually don't think it is!

Joell

Stiff Necked

I’m stiff necked... well, today anyway.   A couple nights ago I somehow slept wrong and woke up with a twinge in my neck that I knew was going to progress into a full blown case of stiff neckedness (invented word).  When this happens, I have a few options to help me get back to normal; but the most effective thing is being able to stretch those muscles that are in spasm.  By so doing, the muscles will eventually relax, and the pain will subside.  The only real problem is that there are approximately 8 million muscles in the average human neck (OK, it’s more like 18), and the trick is finding a way to move your head that will actually stretch the right muscle.  This leads to odd looks from people as I rotate my head in various odd ways to get that odd muscle to just let it go!

You can always tell when a person has a stiff neck because when he needs to turn to look to either side, he turns his entire body instead of just his head.  It hurts too much so he turns everything...or, better yet, doesn't turn at all.  I can remember driving with a stiff neck and not wanting to do my shoulder check when changing lanes... I just wanted to look forward and not see what was beside me.

If you are leading an ox team, having them be “stiff necked” means you can’t direct them very easily... they just want to go where they want to go. 

When the term “stiff necked” is used in the Bible, it’s not actually talking about a stiff neck... but rather stubbornness.  The kind of bull (or ox) headedness that prevents someone from paying attention to God.  The prophets used the term often in the Old Testament, referring to the stubbornness of the Israelites; and the apostolic martyr Stephen used it in Acts 7:51 saying, ““You stiff-necked people!.....You are just like your ancestors: You always resist the Holy Spirit!”  It’s pretty clear from this usage that being stiff necked isn’t a good thing.  When we ignore the Holy Spirit, we are being spiritually stiff necked.

I couldn’t agree more!   I hate being stiff necked!   Yes, I don’t like the physical kind, but I also don’t like it when I’m stiff necked spiritually.  The Holy Spirit is constantly guiding and directing through His Word, prayer, fellowship, and conviction.  Here’s hoping I can avoid both kinds in the future! 

Joell